Ever since I was a little girl, I have been obsessed with the concept of carnivals and circuses.
There just seems to be some mystique to the concept.
The pretty tickets, the candy floss, the fortune teller…
I remember going to some crappy circus when I was younger, a local one, with a super tacky set up. I went with my whole family and we were sitting near the back where my vision was blocked by the guy with the thinning hair and the woman with too much hair because we didn’t expect how big of a deal this little travelling group was to a boring town like mine.
Thinking back, the quality of performance was so second class but in that moment I loved every second of it.
Around that time, I was eating it up everywhere else too. Darren Shan’s Cirque du Freak, The Night Circus…
I don’t know what it is about carnivals. Is it that joyous cheer of escaping the minutiae of life, the way magic overlaps reality and that child-like wonder returns or maybe it’s that underlying sinister feeling that accompanies a trip made after the sun sets and your imagination runs wild about what lurks in the darkness.
So I guess that is why I spent a lot more money than I should have on a ticket to see Totem performed by Cirque Du Soleil, alone.
I am so so so excited.
Although this doesn’t align exactly with my carnival dream, it is the closest I have gotten in almost a decade. That’s very sad, considering I’m not even two decades old.
Why am I going alone you may wonder?
I can assure you that it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I am broke and can’t pay for anyone else to accompany me. *shifty eyes*
Seriously though, I genuinely think that what I explained above is so special to me, I don’t think anybody will truly understand and ‘be there’ with me emotionally, over-romanticising every single detail. Not to mention, it’s healthy (and in fact encouraged) to be able to feel comfortable enough to take yourself out on a date once in a while.
I like the idea of being alone in a crowd of people. When we exist in the same time at the same place enjoying the same experience for our different reasons. To leave the stadium with that one section of our lives that are identical but have it affect us in different ways is incredibly exciting to me.
Sometimes people forget that you don’t need to always be with someone to have fun. Being able to enjoy the company of yourself is a skill that many people, including myself, need to develop and so I shall.
The show is in 5 sleeps and I can already see the acrobats fly and tumble in my dreams.