As I come to terms with my ‘personality,’ I would label myself as someone rather emotional.
I wouldn’t say I epitomise the stereotypical kind of emotional where I’m super sensitive, overthinks and cries at the drop of a hat. Admittedly though, to some extent, I am guilty of all of the above to varying degrees. In other words, I am a total princess.
I agree when other people tell me that being an only child has contributed to my character. I have never questioned how my parents offer the world on a platter for me to pick and choose as I please. I had been confident that I was a good person nonetheless. My logic was that everybody has their flaws and in the grand scheme of things, mine weren’t even that bad! However, being in a relationship has made me reconsider.
Prior to somehow finding myself an ‘other’ of relatively high significance, I held a rather flippant attitude towards the pursuit of love. In fact, one of my ‘cool’ aunties once encouraged me to date a man from each part of the world and not settle down too early. She met my uncle during high school and were each other’s first everything. (first partner, first kiss) Romantic? Sure. However, both of us agree that she has missed out on so much the dating world has to offer.
As cliché as it sounds, there are so many fish in the sea. Why not catch a few to find the type of fish I like? I’m sure I’ll learn new things, create exciting new experiences with every breed I meet.
In some sense, this thought process demonstrates independence, confidence and a desire for adventure. On the flip side, it shows that I am indecisive, hard to satisfy and enjoy being a fussy princess searching for my prince in a way that leaves those who don’t measure up in the dirt.
This made it really easy for me to like a lot of people. I fell in and out of love constantly. Though those tiny seeds of obsession often never came to fruition.
Flash forward: I’ve been with someone for a few months and I realise we argue a whole lot more.
Usually, my princess tendencies would lead me down this train of thought: I’ll acknowledge that this person is not willing to do X, Y, Z, then I would question if these demands are legitimate: is it something I can let go or does it suggest an underlying issue? Then I either forgive and forget or I peace out depending on my mood, confident that a guy exists out there that can fulfil my desires.
Unfortunately, (and I say this next part ironically) her highness has gotten too attached to the peasant she is currently with and that involves actually talking out problems and attempting to resolve them, cringe. I kid you not, we sat on Skype for two hours and made a Google Doc about the problems we had with each other and suggested solutions.
For other people who find themselves acting as if they have royal blood in their veins, my challenge to you is not to change yourself completely for someone else. However, if you’re sick of acting like a princess, you can make that change for yourself. Do the whole “put yourself in other people’s shoes” thing, and make concessions when necessary. If you’re fine with who you are but just want to improve yourself, try to make a conscious effort to thank people for what they’ve done for you, and appreciate the people who ignore your flaws and have stuck by all this time.
In instances of friction (with your SO or otherwise), breathe, take a step back and try to rationalise if you’re being selfish or if your feelings are actually justified (sometimes they totally are, in those instances, don’t let yourself be talked into believing otherwise).
It’s important to be able to detach yourself from your emotions to be respected sometimes (unfortunately acting like a princess renders you a kid in other people’s mind.) This is why you need to make these judgements logically and act accordingly. Your conclusions might not be perfect even then, but at least you are making the effort and everyone will appreciate that, trust me.
With time, you’ll find yourself doing better, and if not perfect, you are still doing a lot more good than someone who doesn’t even realise that they’re unintentionally causing pain to others due to their princess-y personality traits (me, for like, forever).
Good luck, I’m sure we can do it!