I am not a ‘good girl’

I just stumbled across this social experiment comparing guys’ & girls’ reaction to their date looking chubbier (by a lot) in real life than they did in photos they posted online.

The video’s intention was implicit: to reveal sexism that exists in society!!!11! look at how women are more valued for their physical appearance than men, those shallow monsters, girls are less shallow blah blah blah

They tried to back this up through showing all but one of male subjects leaving the ‘fat’ girl at the cafe whereas the female subjects stayed and completed the date with the ‘fat’ guy. However, I wasn’t sold and it looks like many commenters weren’t either.

“Females are very good at faking.”

“So these guys are supposed to be assholes for reacting badly to being deceived?”

Lets focus on something more interesting, a more subtle kind of sexism. Let’s consider why most of the guys (potentially even the one that stayed) felt comfortable leaving whereas all the girls stayed – now that’s something to look at.

Granted I don’t know if there were any ‘dates’ that weren’t released or the personal motivations of each subject, the impression I’m getting from the final cut of the video is that some of the girls felt obliged to stay because they have been taught since they were little to be ‘good’ girls.

My oh my wouldn’t mama be upset if I left a manipulative stranger after being deceived by him, that would be ever so impolite!

After all, little boys are made of snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails whereas little girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice, right?

Screen Shot 2015-01-18 at 8.19.47 pm
p.s. this is why I support shows like MLP, they are so important in teaching girls the right lessons from a young age

Actually, the guys left because they felt justified in doing so.

But why should they be shamed for that?

Despite the power of photoshop, angles, lighting and makeup, we still hold an inherent trust in photographs that should be respected. When someone signs up to meet with someone who they imagine to be roughly like A, they have every right to feel cheated or lied to if they are presented with B. Online dating is unreliable enough without getting surprised about how your date looks.

Screen Shot 2015-01-18 at 8.05.23 pm

So is it just more comfortable for girls to take up less space or be less trouble than guys, both physically and mentally because that’s just what we’re used to? Has the thought of always placing others above ourselves been reinforced throughout our lives so much so we believe this subservient position is where we should stay? I don’t think you’re living life to the fullest potential if you constantly worry about tiptoeing around other people.

In other words, if you feel like your time is being wasted by a liar who tricked you into a date, you can leave. If you feel like someone is taking up too much space in the subway, you can tell them to move over. If you feel like your opinions aren’t being respected, not based on their merit, but on other irrelevant factors, you can keep repeating your message again and again until hear you.

To the (more but not all) men and (less but not none) women out there that can do so already, I respect you. I am trying to, and one day will, join your ranks.

On the flip side, the guys were in no way polite in the way they left, and some comments they made were downright detestable. I know the situation was unexpected, but you should have all lived long enough to learn some common courtesy. Just because you felt deceived doesn’t mean you are allowed to be rude in return.

So for anyone who might get themselves into a similar situation in the future, I propose memorising this or coming up with something along the same lines that works for you:

“Sorry, if this comes off rude but I need to get this out in the open first before we do anything else. I’m slightly uncomfortable with continuing with this as a date because I feel like the way you presented yourself on your profile helped me prepare to meet someone today that isn’t who is sitting in front of me right now. I feel like there has been a misunderstanding and I hope you respect my decision but hey, since I drove all the way down here we might as well try make friends if you’re comfortable with that!”

You’re welcome.

But hey, if weight is not an issue for you or you wish to stay and make friends, by all means do so, kudos to you! I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s never bitchy or rude to speak up for yourself. Ignore anyone who might try to make you feel guilty for wanting nothing more than what you deserve in life and go get it anyway.

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4 thoughts on “I am not a ‘good girl’

  1. Great post! It’s so important for girls to understand that they don’t HAVE to smile or laugh and agree when someone does something that makes them uncomfortable. I’m into my late 20s and still struggle with this myself.

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