XO – Spoken Word Poetry

[note: video is of an older version of the poem, slight difference with the text below]

I was a collector
not of coins or comic books
but crushes I could count
as I fall asleep
if only to escape the reality
of spending the rest of eternity with
someone like
myself

I dreamt of
arms wrapped around my fragile bones
lips kissing the bruises
that hid the true colours of my heart
as it bled for
someone
anyone
to care enough
if not to love but to hate
push me away
so I can fall apart

I was a criminal
serial in nature
stealing last names
from boys with expressive eyes
plotting murders of pretty girls
I saw as threats
and they were all threats
locked up in a prison cell
guarded by self doubt and desperation
I had written a million love letters
changing who I am for each delivery
just to fit into the envelopes
I thought they’d want to receive
presenting myself as the perfect package
I never attached the fragile sticker
it’s no wonder I always ended up as broken pieces

yet all this time
I have never learnt how to send a letter to myself
that is until one day
he told me with expressive eyes
and voice full of sincerity
that I did not need him to breathe
although our minds may scream that we are feeble
we are weak
we are built to face adversity
we have bones made of steel
and hearts that beat
because they are already complete

so here’s the love letter that I should have written
a long long time ago
first and foremost
I will remember to love myself
look into the mirror before I give or ask for help
It’s our time to embrace life and
kiss goodbye to the necessity of
another to fulfill our destinies
XO XO
I will love me