Dying Before Death

One of the worst things that happens after you die –
is that you leave no trace behind.

Eventually, memories once treasured will fade
betrayed by time
until one day you are just a name
in the graveyard
for children to make up stories for.

but that is nothing compares to being forgotten
when you’re still alive
forced to contrive meaning to a meaningless life
finding solace in insignificant details
if only to relieve that pressing feeling
against your ribcage that
you
are insignificant

he died of a heart attack
or that’s what they believe
refusing to see that this was
a man who suffered from
a chronic case of losing his dignity
pretending he is at peace
because no medical diagnosis
proved them wrong
well they were wrong

wrong in their assumption
that if they surround him with
what they thought he loved the most
when he was still alive
dress him up in clothes
he did not have the money to buy
attend his funeral even though
they never showed up
to the family gatherings he tried to organise
that somehow they had a chance of escaping a similar fate
too bad that it was far too little
far too late

they can estimate the minute he stopped breathing
yet they can’t ever guess the moment he stopped believing
in a world where the passing of time did not mean
that you get left behind
suddenly look around and
find yourself stuck somewhere between
being a pity
and a burden

the truth is
if anybody tried to lift him
up towards the sky
they would feel nothing more
than a body shattered by
sharp looks and blunt words
turned into broken hopes and crushed dreams
no longer any places to be
or people to see

but a dead man has no need
for our pity
pity the sun for having to rise and set day after day
on the wretched souls that are so quick to abandon the old
pity the waves for never being able to wash away the endless pain
or drown out the harsh reality
of a world where murders have the audacity
to look for forgiveness amongst the casualties.

thankfully
one of the best things that happens after you die –
is that you leave no trace behind.