to be unnamed

This poem is inspired by Call Me By Your Name & was written with Visions of Gideon playing in the background.

If Heaven is built on white lies,
then let me believe for the last time
that your breath can run into mine,
giddy with love; you and me, likewise.

But why is it that every time our lips
collide, I can’t taste anything beyond
the quiet? Tell me, when will the thought
of you stop clouding these closed eyes?
Don’t forget the rain and wistful smiles.

Hey love, am I still allowed to call you
so? I suppose names were never our own,
gifted to us by others, so our entirety can
be condensed into palpable syllables,
rolled over the tongue, bitten into and
chewed on until the flavour fades
or tastes suddenly change.

I truly thought I was okay until time
reminded me of its unpredictable path
from now until tomorrow, here I am again.
Silence stretches out as long as a
sleepless night, and I am unlearning desire,
like feeling itself is a bad habit, brea
king words until they lose all meaning,
writing about you until I forget the way
I used to whisper – your name.


Warning: Spoilers for Call Me By Your Name (CMBYN)

To be honest, when I watched CMBYN, I wasn’t immediately blown away. It had already garnered a lot of praise so my expectations were incredibly igh.

Throghout the movie, although the love story between Elios & Oliver was beautiful, I could never relate to it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, you don’t have to be able to sing a song for it to be good music, you don’t need to be able to recreate a piece of art for it to be a masterpiece. However, that meant I was a spectator, rather than someone whose heart was lurching with every little bit of progression.

That is, until the very last scene. Some time has passed since Elios and Oliver’s summer romance, and then the phone rings – it’s Oliver. He tells Elios that he’s getting married but he’ll never forget the time they spent together.

Timothée Chalamet then gives the audience the most poignant portrayal of heartbreak, as he slowly makes his way to the fireplace and stares blankly into the flames, before his tears begin to fall and the credits start rolling. Meanwhile, you can see his family preparing dinner in the background, because he is truly alone in his pain, as the rest of the world continues moving.

If you’ve gone through any type of heartbreak, I’d imagine you’d remember where every single crack is in that instant, no matter how long ago you put yourself back together. At least, that was my experience, which inspired the poem above. I hope you liked it.

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