可惜不是你 – If only it was you

I was in a long distance relationship when I heard this song live in late 2016. I instantly felt a pang in my chest, and it was in that moment that I consciously came to terms with the end of the relationship. There’s really no coming back from mourning a break up that hasn’t happened yet, so that’s why this is a really special song for me.

I tried to remain faithful in my translation but I’ve prioritised capturing the essence of the song first and foremost. I hope it makes you feel something. 


Suddenly, this moment fills with familiarity,
yesterday’s memories playing over reality.
The way I speak is more like you than me,
evidence of the love that used to be.

Almost believed my own lies,
and maybe fooled you too.
loving and being loved aren’t always
to the same degree.

Being in someone else’s thoughts
is a type of luck, I agree, but I don’t know
how to give myself over completely.

Tried my best to change but I can’t
shift these pre-set boundaries.
I thought being by your side
could be the start of eternity,
but it feels like yesterday
and yesterday feels so very far away,
yet when I close my eyes, I can still see –
If only it was you, by my side until the end.
Don’t you remember when we walked and
our shoulders would collide?

But we lost our way, parted at fork-roads,
thank you for being there and holding my hand
in yours, even now your gentleness lingers
on my palms.

That time when our hearts beat as one,
I wish I still had the right to care for you.
except you are now part of someone else’s
scenery, I hope in her world you can see
the shadows of burdened stars.

Tried my best to change but I can’t
shift these pre-set boundaries.
I thought being by your side
could be the start of eternity,
but it feels like yesterday
and yesterday feels so very far away,
yet when I close my eyes, I can still see –
If only it was you, by my side until the end.
Don’t you remember when we walked and
our shoulders would collide?

But we lost our way, parted at fork-roads,
thank you for being there and holding my hand
in yours, even now your gentleness lingers
on my palms. Thank you for when you were there
and holding my hand in yours,
I can still feel your warmth burning in my chest.

Continue reading “可惜不是你 – If only it was you”

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Last Night [昨晚]

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the morning after
she pretended vodka was water
all sleep deprived
and out of her mind
she tried to purge herself of regrets
even if it was mixed in
with chunks of last nights dinner

sticking shame-stained fingers
down her throat
she could not quite reach
any semblance of redemption
she was stuck with the potent perfume of bile
for the rest of the day
and she vowed to not touch smirnoff
ever again

Continue reading “Last Night [昨晚]”

CLICK [键盘的沉默]

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CLICK

maybe in five years time
I’ll suddenly cross your mind
and you’ll wonder
what that starry-eyed girl
(who was so desperately in love with you)
is up to now

your finger will hover over the green dot
next to my name…

click.
you didn’t know that I cut my hair

click.
or that I left the suburb next to the sea

click.
to make a life in the city that never sleeps

your finger will hover over the green dot
next to my name…

but you do not
click.

Continue reading “CLICK [键盘的沉默]”

FISH

Chinese sing Yao Beina recently passed away after bravely fighting against breast cancer for the second time. In memory of her, I have translated the last song she sung to the public – fish. I can only hope that I have captured the essence of this beautiful, sad song. You can listen to the original here. Rest In Peace, Yao Beina.


Artist: 姚贝娜
Songwriter (music):孙嫣然
Songwriter (lyrics):孙卓然

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I am just a fish, (我是一只鱼)
staring out of the aquarium, at you (望着鱼缸外的你)
knocking on the glass, (敲了敲玻璃)
you smile at me, as you leave (你对我微笑离去)
swimming, swimming, you almost slip from memory (游啊游啊我却快忘了你)
I forget the distance between you and me (甚至你和我的距离)
nestling into your shadow, cast onto the waters (依偎你在水中的倒影)
I can’t wait for you to come closer to me (我会期待你再靠近)

yearn to lie in the warmth of your palms (渴望躺在你温暖掌心)
feel you, hug you, kiss you (感受你 拥抱你 亲吻你)
It’s a pity I can only swim, swim, swim (可惜我只能游个不停)
pretend that fish (装作鱼)
only have (只有)
7 seconds memory (七秒记忆)
I am a fish, a fish (我是鱼 是鱼)
I am just a fish (我是一只鱼)

I don’t understand your language (听不懂你的言语)
so I stay silent in the water and breathe (沉默在水里呼吸)
can’t bear to close my eyes (舍不得闭上眼睛)
swimming, swimming, I will commit you to memory (游啊游啊我会再牢记你)
and every single one of your expressions (还有你每一个表情)
water pools in my eyes, snuck up unexpectedly (水灌进眼底无声无息)
it blurs you, separates you, from me (却模糊了你 隔开你)

yearn to lie in the warmth of your palms (渴望躺在你温暖掌心)
feel you, hug you, kiss you (感受你 拥抱你 亲吻你)
kiss you (亲吻你)
yearn to lie in the warmth of your palms (渴望躺在你温暖掌心)
feel you, hug you, kiss you (感受你 拥抱你 亲吻你)
It’s a pity, I can only swim swim swim (可惜我只能游个不停)
pretend to be a fish (装作鱼)
only 7 seconds memory (只有七秒记忆)
I am just a fish (我是一只鱼)
only 7 seconds memory (只有七秒的记忆)