FISH

Chinese sing Yao Beina recently passed away after bravely fighting against breast cancer for the second time. In memory of her, I have translated the last song she sung to the public – fish. I can only hope that I have captured the essence of this beautiful, sad song. You can listen to the original here. Rest In Peace, Yao Beina.


Artist: 姚贝娜
Songwriter (music):孙嫣然
Songwriter (lyrics):孙卓然

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I am just a fish, (我是一只鱼)
staring out of the aquarium, at you (望着鱼缸外的你)
knocking on the glass, (敲了敲玻璃)
you smile at me, as you leave (你对我微笑离去)
swimming, swimming, you almost slip from memory (游啊游啊我却快忘了你)
first I forget the distance between you and me (甚至你和我的距离)
nestling into your shadow, cast onto the water’s edge (依偎你在水中的倒影)
I can’t wait for you to come closer to me (我会期待你再靠近)

yearn to lie in the warmth of your palms (渴望躺在你温暖掌心)
feel you, hug you, kiss you (感受你 拥抱你 亲吻你)
It’s a pity I can only swim, swim, swim (可惜我只能游个不停)
pretend that fish (装作鱼)
only have (只有)
7 seconds of memory (七秒记忆)
I am a fish, a fish (我是鱼 是鱼)
I am just a fish (我是一只鱼)

I don’t understand your language (听不懂你的言语)
so I stay silent in the water and just breathe (沉默在水里呼吸)
can’t bear to close my eyes (舍不得闭上眼睛)
swimming, swimming, I will commit you to memory (游啊游啊我会再牢记你)
and every single one of your expressions (还有你每一个表情)
water pools in my eyes, snucked up unexpectedly (水灌进眼底无声无息)
it blurs you, separates you, from me (却模糊了你 隔开你)

yearn to lie in the warmth of your palms (渴望躺在你温暖掌心)
feel you, hug you, kiss you (感受你 拥抱你 亲吻你)
kiss you (亲吻你)
yearn to lie in the warmth of your palms (渴望躺在你温暖掌心)
feel you, hug you, kiss you (感受你 拥抱你 亲吻你)
It’s a pity, I can only swim swim swim (可惜我只能游个不停)
pretend to be a fish (装作鱼)
only 7 seconds of memory (只有七秒记忆)
I am just a fish (我是一只鱼)
only 7 seconds of memory (只有七秒的记忆)

I am not a ‘good girl’

I just stumbled across this social experiment comparing guys’ & girls’ reaction to their date looking chubbier (by a lot) in real life than they did in photos they posted online.

The video’s intention was implicit: to reveal sexism that exists in society!!!11! look at how women are more valued for their physical appearance than men, those shallow monsters, girls are less shallow blah blah blah.

They tried to back this up through showing all but one of male subjects leaving the ‘fat’ girl at the cafe whereas the female subjects stayed and completed the date with the ‘fat’ guy. However, I wasn’t sold and it looks like many commenters weren’t either.

“Females are very good at faking.”

“So these guys are supposed to be assholes for reacting badly to being deceived?”

Lets focus on something more interesting, a more subtle kind of sexism. Let’s consider why most of the guys (potentially even the one that stayed) felt comfortable leaving whereas all the girls stayed – now that’s something interesting to look at. Continue reading “I am not a ‘good girl’”

3 Steps to Deal With Failure

In life, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

As a student, when your end-of-year results are released and the reality of your mediocre grades is hugely disproportionate to your high expectations, you can’t help but feel like you have lost. There are two extremes you could jump to in this moment or when dealing with any type of failure:

a. Instantaneously brushing it off: ‘lol alg man’

b. Crying a tsunami: ‘this has literally ruined my existence’

I suggest doing neither because it’s unhealthy: you’re not really dealing with the problem.

If it really was ‘lol alg man’ why did your instinctual feelings say differently? Are you sure you’re not delaying the inevitable emotional outburst and stunting your personal growth for the moment being? On the flip side, is over dramatising the issue really going to get you anywhere except into spirals of unhappy thoughts that are blown way out of proportion to the issue at hand?

Rather than trying to escape from your feelings or sinking into the abyss of pain, this is the time to think systematically and logically because of the emotional state you’re already in.

From recent personal experience, I present my 3 steps to recovering and improving from failure. Like all self-help articles, the steps are totally obvious but incredibly difficult to follow in practise. If you are dealing with failure, I challenge you to give it a try no matter how much you would rather numb yourself to forget or intensify the feelings to justify responding irrationality. Continue reading “3 Steps to Deal With Failure”

INTRODUCTION 2.0

hello, I’m maggy.

I thought it was about time I published a brief introduction to myself and my currently ‘nameless’ blog for two reasons:

1. I changed my URL (previously matrixunfulfilled) a little while ago without ever addressing it – now I will.

2. I have registered for the blogging 101 course and this is the very first assignment!

Since my articles are usually fuelled by intense emotions, I am envisioning this will be a bit of a challenge. To give you an indication of how bad I am at task-based writing:

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Every single article that has ‘draft’ next to its name was started with inklings of what, at the time, felt like a great idea. They will probably never be finished, simply because I felt too calm writing on those issues. Admittedly, I have developed a dysfunctional relationship with words (but isn’t that what journalling is all about?)

Continue reading “INTRODUCTION 2.0”