dead bees.

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@mxqqy

Sunshine swallowed
by cloud.

Precious words, pilling
behind pursed lips.

Feel the warm autumn wind
on your cheek until he turns
and brushes your knee.

Then you blossom and
fall, simultaneously.

Learn to gift your auburn
to the sky, only for it to be
washed away by the very
last bouts of summer rain.

At least today is no longer
stained by the shades of
a repetitive same.

Seeds of hope, they grow
in the cracks left by past hurt,
and you find yourself surrounded
by the familiar buzz of may-bees,
could-bees and potentialities.

But then you blink and remember
how to breathe and suddenly
you can see the way his kindness
comes in spades but cuts deep
into the soft soils of vulnerability.

He uproots importance
like untamed (we)eds, and these
unplanted questions swallow
like a liquidated naivety and
sinking self-esteem.

Tonight,
forget-me-knots in stomach tangles
into throat and a thristled heart
quietly bleeds.

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I have never broken a bone.

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Image courtesy of: toinjoints

nor skinny-dipped in the dark.
I have never been stung by a bee,
nor gambled on bite or bark.

Sometimes though, I fall –
(asleep, in love, for you)
But I much prefer the ever-green,
and sinking into swirls of white
on bleu.

But I was always told
it is far too dangerous to climb
too high and it is not my place
to touch the skies, so for all my life,
I have been unfamiliar with the pain
of scraping my knees on the sidewalk,
never have I ever bloodied my fingers
picking up pride shattered by some
uncontrolled big talk.

Though I’d much prefer to be someone
who climbs the tallest tree to
kiss the sun, thank her for her warm
embrace, hang off of a gnarly branch,
to see the world down-side up,
give chase for no one’s sake,
untamed by wild mistakes, say,
can I be the next one you make?

Some nights I lie wide awake, wondering
if in darkness we are more difference
or same, like how the evening always
breaks into day, I wish upon the fading stars
that before now bleeds into then
we can be enveloped in each other’s crimson
even for a brief moment.

Imagine if we never realised
that we are but two sides of the
same coin and all I needed was to
let courage course through my veins
and choose, for once, to fall with
reckless abandon into the embrace of
risk and fate.

Balcony Shisha Bar, Lygon St.

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The last time I fell
out of love was the
first time I stepped
into a shisha bar.

After the smoke cleared
and mirrors disappeared,
your silhouette stood stark
against the charred stars
and you gifted that bright
crescent smile to your tiny
light brick, as my mouth
filled with soot-stained
darkness.

I learned how vast the universe
could be through the centimeters
of infinite space between our
barely brushing shoulders.

You held the milky way
in your lungs so effortlessly
as I choked on the aftertaste
of faint, artificial strawberries,
to think I held my breath hoping,
that you or us could be real.

stars, space & an empty place

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image courtesy of: borda

she remembers that night,
no stars dusted the evening sky
but their residual light
flickered in his wandering eyes
and how she desperately wanted to hold –
his gaze, hand or mind
for them to share a hazy moment
in suspended time

too bad
he was on the other side
of an unfamiliar room
filled with mutual strangers
maybe with enough imagination
they could have been
the newest constellation

already tenuously connected by
some star-struck fate,
but too scared or sober
to name this new feeling or shape
much less ask if he
maybe thought the same

it’s funny how
she has learnt all about
the grand, infinite universe
but her saturday night silence
still felt like the most empty
and hopeless space
that she has ever known

 

girl by the sea

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Source

do you remember
the time you cried
as the midnight waves
washed away
her sea foam love
as I tried to drag
your listless body
back to shore?

do you remember
the time vodka and mistakes
ran through my veins
and I clung desperately onto
something, anything
to anchor myself
in this maelstrom of life
and you became
my false sense of security?

because I remember
when you told me
that you were starting to like
the girl who lives by the sea
shy, kind and sweet
salt-stained hair
and sunset cheeks
I guess I stopped listening
when you confessed
that you still yearned
for the mermaid
who didn’t stay,
and that’s when you became
my next mistake.

Continue reading “girl by the sea”

Tiny Letters I Will Never Send: Part Two

Part 2: Exes 

romantic and otherwise, to strangers that weren’t 

To my ex-best friend: I don’t remember what I did or didn’t do but I’m still sorry I hurt you and I wish I wasn’t the coward that run away from such trivial problems. More than that, I wish that I listened to my own mantra of ‘when the going gets tough the tough gets going.’ I wonder if you’ll remember my name when we’re both 80? p.s. I hope you knew that I love(d) you.

To my ex-boyfriend: They say that children are the most hurtful because they don’t think about what they’re saying or doing and looking back, we were definitely children. I think my favourite memory of us was the first time you took my hand and didn’t let go or maybe one of the numerous times where we’d at the back of KFC, shaking salt off of their (overly seasoned) fries as we talked about nothing in particular. The good thing about children is that eventually we grow up & I really don’t think present day us would have hurt each other so intentionally. p.s. I have yet to write a poem about you and I probably never will, no particular reason why.

To my ex-crush: You. You held my attention for the longest time and to this day, I don’t know how you did it. Did you know that I kept a diary around the time that we met? It’s so embarrassing how your name seems to litter every other page mixed in with excessive praise written in clumsy cursive. Thank you for conversations until 4am, for being the closest thing that I’ll ever have to the one that got away and for being my muse for too many angsty poems that I can’t find anymore. p.s. I am often up until 1am these days, watching rubbish television or writing university essays without noticing when the clock hits 11.11 but if I could have just one more wish, it would be for you to remember us sometimes, when nothing else is on your mind.

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To ex-maggy (2011): you weren’t as cool as you thought you were, sorry!

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FISH

Chinese sing Yao Beina recently passed away after bravely fighting against breast cancer for the second time. In memory of her, I have translated the last song she sung to the public – fish. I can only hope that I have captured the essence of this beautiful, sad song. You can listen to the original here. Rest In Peace, Yao Beina.


Artist: 姚贝娜
Songwriter (music):孙嫣然
Songwriter (lyrics):孙卓然

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I am just a fish, (我是一只鱼)
staring out of the aquarium, at you (望着鱼缸外的你)
knocking on the glass, (敲了敲玻璃)
you smile at me, as you leave (你对我微笑离去)
swimming, swimming, you almost slip from memory (游啊游啊我却快忘了你)
first I forget the distance between you and me (甚至你和我的距离)
nestling into your shadow, cast onto the water’s edge (依偎你在水中的倒影)
I can’t wait for you to come closer to me (我会期待你再靠近)

yearn to lie in the warmth of your palms (渴望躺在你温暖掌心)
feel you, hug you, kiss you (感受你 拥抱你 亲吻你)
It’s a pity I can only swim, swim, swim (可惜我只能游个不停)
pretend that fish (装作鱼)
only have (只有)
7 seconds of memory (七秒记忆)
I am a fish, a fish (我是鱼 是鱼)
I am just a fish (我是一只鱼)

I don’t understand your language (听不懂你的言语)
so I stay silent in the water and just breathe (沉默在水里呼吸)
can’t bear to close my eyes (舍不得闭上眼睛)
swimming, swimming, I will commit you to memory (游啊游啊我会再牢记你)
and every single one of your expressions (还有你每一个表情)
water pools in my eyes, snucked up unexpectedly (水灌进眼底无声无息)
it blurs you, separates you, from me (却模糊了你 隔开你)

yearn to lie in the warmth of your palms (渴望躺在你温暖掌心)
feel you, hug you, kiss you (感受你 拥抱你 亲吻你)
kiss you (亲吻你)
yearn to lie in the warmth of your palms (渴望躺在你温暖掌心)
feel you, hug you, kiss you (感受你 拥抱你 亲吻你)
It’s a pity, I can only swim swim swim (可惜我只能游个不停)
pretend to be a fish (装作鱼)
only 7 seconds of memory (只有七秒记忆)
I am just a fish (我是一只鱼)
only 7 seconds of memory (只有七秒的记忆)