before sleep comes

_moon__by_studiounderthemoon-d34iqcc
Image courtesy of: StudioUndertheMoon

do you ever lose yourself
when the night breaks to day?

and sullen silence is stained by white noise
but the darkness remains, caught in the ridges
of your molars as you grind down life
into ingestible inches of time.

there’s these sticky, murky thoughts
stuck behind the tongue and you’re not sure
if they’re even yours, head pounding
from all the muddled drinks
and puddled tears, you feel your heart
ache for someone you have yet to meet
and might never know, maybe that’s
for the best because the ones that get close
tire of how you dwell over the same mistakes
day and day again, the wayward words
carried by the wind litter barren streets with bro-
ken signs, nobody bothers to listen.

too many already dance in our heads,
hallow skull but a crowded stage,
no space for new thought or moving on,
only screaming matches against ourselves,
stubborn anthems against unmovable fate,
I don’t know if I’m starting to lose voice
or mind, I think by the time both go,
it will time to close my eyes.

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#2 Harmonise

definition: add notes to (a melody) to produce a pleasing combination


Girl.

I’m the girl who wonders
if she truly has stars beneath her skin
or if she’d spend her entire life
setting off fireworks into daylight
no spark, no shine
the sky
dotted by the clouds left behind
unable to answer the explosive questions
that fill her dazed mind 


God.

who am I?
I am a girl who has a heart that yearns for a soul
for loss of control
to scream at the seas for a reason to be
who is He?
they say only when you’re engulfed in darkness
can you see beyond the trees
so I stand at the edge of the known world
in the night
climb onto the highest branch
look towards the horizon
for blessed light
and can’t imagine anything existing
beyond my limited sight


#1 #2 #3

forest

I hate the dichotomy that controls me –
spending every day with
the paralysing fear of death and
inability to commit to life

I find myself lost in the woods,
searching for a purpose to my existence.
filled with envy towards those that cling to the highest branches,
holding onto the hope that
perhaps trees grow towards the sky
to be closer to something just outside our line of vision
something better than
humanity’s nihilistic tendencies

meanwhile, I stumble blindly into the clearing
collapsing onto the ground
with a heart that has
no confidence in a soul

scattered thoughts about identity
fills my mind
spilling from my hair
as I open my palms
to the possibility of catching
principles to guide me
they slip through my fingers
(like how they often slip my mind)
and stain the grass
with shades of my hypocrisy

always holding people up to standards built on their actions
yet judging myself merely on my intentions
ephemeral thoughts do not construct reality
– only who you want to be –
so I vow to the sun in that moment
to live with more integrity
I stop talking to the birds
and start walking

I wake up besides the enchanted lake.
spending days,
trying to find some semblance of meaning
in the face that stared back at me,
I realised too much self-reflection
only resulted in less clarity.
vague shapes and lines
ultimately paints no more
than my indulgence in vanity.

after all,
your perspective from your limited capacity
is not a path to true discovery.
journey instead on the road less taken.
overturn every rock,
and discover the unexpected.
keep companions that will set fire to fallen leaves
because only when your world is up in flames,
will you realise all that’s vital
burns the heart.

I will never find my way out of the forest,
and I still fear for what lies beyond the trees,
but my bruised and battered body holds substance
in the knowledge that I will keep walking.