when was the last time
I cried?
maybe that is why
words no longer roll off
my impatient tongue
and spill across blank pages
like sunlight adorned with
the oddities of a kaleidoscopic heart.
Instead, I am drowning in debris,
shattered glass and cheap neon beads,
mirror shards reflect my inability
to colour these heavy, broken dreams.
jeans
faded jeans
have you ever wanted
a pair of authentic faded jeans?
but how many times
does denim have to hug your body
before they look like home?
how many ice cream stains
and sun rays and heart breaks
does it take my jeans to fade?
(after the thin layer of monotony is dusted off)
how many revolutions
around a washing machine
does it take my jeans to fade?
(after daily trips from A to B to B to A –
every day the same)
how many cups of detergent
and hours of vigorous scrubbing
does it take my jeans to fade?
(after forgettable encounters
that nobody cares to hear about)
I think I can pay $70
for some manufactured happiness
for some manufactured adventure
for some manufactured faded jeans
I shall put them on every morning,
to hide my weary & faded heart.
Today,
I’ve forgotten how to be happy.
Unfortunately,
contorting a strained smile
to set others at ease
doesn’t work when you’re confronted by a mirror –
that girl, she hurts more than it’s worth.
but what’s even worse,
is that I can’t even turn this pain
into a beautiful verse
about overcoming difficulties
and learning profound life lessons
because none of that ever happened.
I guess I just don’t know
what’s left to say
when all I feel is
numb.
10PM
“lets have maple syrup sex before bed
make sugar coated memories
and swallow to forget what you said
fill my bloodstream with endorphins
before I taste the bitterness of her tongue in your kiss
if only ignorance could fill my lungs
with artificial bliss.”
2AM
she killed a man with a psychedelic swirl of an ice cream lick
after he told her to swallow his –
quick bitch quick
years of dripping icicles into her mind,
finally –
brain freeze
– can’t think –
– can’t breathe –
she was taught that every action
has an equal but opposite reaction
so she didn’t understand why
when she let him feel her pain
then again
and again
and again
to burn life into his frosted heart
he was so damn silent
6AM
the last thing she remembers
is waking up to the aftertaste of his spilt coca cola
drowning pills of every shade of emotion
so words could not bubble to the surface
she wanted everything to be flat
only leaving a numbing artificial sweetness behind
let simple thoughts fill her mind –
the grass is green
the ocean is blue
and the sky is bleeding red
the wind caresses her bones
moving her palpitating heart and trembling lips
to dance beyond the darkness of the night
the sun is rising yet she is no longer a creature
of the light
maggy liu 